I Won't Make You
by hpOracle
Summary: Lily is broken. Simply and completely. The storm washes away the tears, but the feelings remain. Who will come to her aid in her hour of need. OneShot. Thanks for reading!


Lily dropped to her knees. A crumpled Daily Prophet fell from her slack grasp.

Her emerald green eyes were dark and sparkling with threatening tears as she tried with all her might to gather herself together. It was moments after she had read that dreaded newspaper article. It had been moments since her heart had splintered. The pain tore at her, ripping at her soul so it was never to be whole again.

She looked off across the lush, green lawns of Hogwarts looking for anything that may give her some comfort in her moment of need. However, she found nothing. Nothing could save her now. She was next on the list, her fate already decided.

Lily hung her head slowly, as the tears began to fall. They cut their deep and unsympathetic tracks into her skin. She had no energy to even wipe them away, she had no energy even to cry another tear. But however exhausted she was, she couldn't stop the painful tears.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, dark black clouds rolled over the horizon blocking out the bright morning sunshine. Lily was instantly thankful. They mimicked her feelings perfectly, she could relate to the darkness.

A breeze blew up suddenly, taking hold of her blood red curls and giving them some life in the strong breeze. They lashed at her, catching hold of her tears. Lily tucked them away behind her ears instead of ripping them out. Oh, to feel something would be a blessing this moment. Anything.

She was numb with shock, her face was ghostly. Her lips had no trace of the usual smile that graced her lips. She was dead on the inside.

Her parents were dead because of her. All because of her gift, her been the way she was. Lily hated herself for bringing about their deaths! It was simple. But she hated the Death Eaters even more.

Lily remembered with a sigh how she had woken up that morning. She had been happy for a new day. Happy for another chance to do magic, to feel the sensations in her finger tips. Now however, she cursed the magic from her blood, willing it to disappear. Petunia had been right all along! She was the cause of all the bad luck her family had ever experienced. And now she was the cause of their deaths.

Lily let out a strangled cry of frustration. Why her? Why her of all people to suffer such torment? What had she done to deserve this?

Lily fell back on the grass. The wind blew a little stronger, swirling her school robes around, playfully.

What had her parents done to deserve death?

Lily pursed her lips together in the effort to restrain another bout of tears. She could not allow those bastards to have any satisfaction. She could not cry any longer.

The paper that had been carelessly discarded in her grief was suddenly picked up in a strong gust of wind. It flew straight into Lily's face. She was forced yet again to look upon the black and white moving picture of the Dark Mark hovering above her house, the bolded headline reading "Muggles Killed in Freak Attack."

Lily threw the paper away from her, banishing it from her sight. She did not need a reminder. She did not need the forced looks of sympathy of her peers. She didn't need her professors approaching her and attempting to console her. How the hell could anyone console her? She felt simply awful. Awful and tragically alone.

The clouds broke their restraint and sent thousands of rain droplets upon her. Lily tilted her head skyward and let the rain sooth her red, puffy eyes, her red face and her heart.

She was drenched in seconds but she didn't give a damn. She willed death upon herself. Anything, so she may feel what her parents feel. Complete and utter nothing.

It was then, as she lay back against the rain drenched lawn that she saw someone standing above her, looking down at her quietly and respectfully. It was a moment until she realized it was James Potter.

He stood above her, his head hung low and an obvious look of distress present on his young face. He stared at her with such an intense look, Lily had to close her eyes to escape it.

He finally spoke, in just above a whisper "Lily, I'm –"

"You're what Potter? Sorry? You only have to apologize if you did it, if you were the one that murdered my parents!" Lily whispered as she sat up and faced him, the rain running down her face thankfully washing away the constantly falling tears.

"You know I wouldn't do that," he said softly and sounding highly offended, continuing to stand as though he were about to collapse.

"Sometimes I wonder." Lily bit back, turning away from him so he wouldn't see her obvious grief and take pity on her.

"I just came to see if you were alright. I mean, you wouldn't be alright I know. But just incase you thought of doing something stupid" James pleaded, his voice so soft that she could barely hear him over the thudding of the rain on the soaked lawn and the fresh rolls of thunder awaking her senses.

"Why would you care even if I was that stupid? Even if I did attempt to kill myself?" Lily demanded, controlling her shuddering breath.

James sighed and sat down beside her. "It may be hard to believe but I do care. I care a lot. But, of course, you wouldn't notice because I haven't had the guts to show you properly."

Lily let out a loud and awfully forced laugh that rang out across the grounds, just to be smothered by the heavy rain "This is not the time to declare your love for me, Potter." Lily snapped, glaring at him with her newly acquired deathly green eyes.

"I'm not heartless, Lily. Please know that… I care. I'm here if you want to talk to me." James whispered staring at her with his bright hazel eyes. It was then that she noticed the tears in his eyes, the quivering of his lip as he attempted to gather himself together for her sake and be strong for her.

Lily exhaled deeply but did not reply. They sat in silence, a comfortable silence. A silence that could have lasted an age if it hadn't been for Lily letting out a loud sob as a new flood of tears slid down her flushed cheeks.

James stared at her, not knowing what to do. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to sooth her hurt and sorrow. But he wouldn't do that if she didn't consent. Instead, he turned to her and reached out a shaking hand. He wiped the tears gently from her cheeks. He felt sheepish doing this, because it was not affective whatsoever with the soaking rain. But it was all in the gesture, and she appreciated it all the same.

"You know, I have wanted to do that for a while now" James stated, staring at Lily with the same intense gaze he had acquired when he had found her sprawled out on the drenched lawn.

Lily looked up at him, slowly meeting his gaze but said nothing in reply.

James decided to continue "I've wanted to be with you like this for so long, just sitting together in silence, watching the clouds. But I could never get you alone. I could never let you see how I really am… I mean –"

"What do you mean?" Lily asked innocently. She could not forget the grief that now coursed through her, but when she held James's gaze for that extra moment everything seemed that much more easier to deal with. She couldn't explain it. It just seemed that when she looked into his eyes, that he knew exactly where she was. That he had been like this himself at some point in his life. And he had survived somehow. It gave her some strength.

"I mean – I mean. Gosh Lily! I can't even speak to you without tripping up my words. Without fearing I will say something stupid. I can't pass you in the corridors without getting all jumpy and loosing my nerve. I know this is not the best time for this Lily, but I have had feelings for you for as long as I can remember. I hate seeing you like this. And if I could do anything to make you smile again, it would be done in an instant." James concluded, shaking a little from finally telling her the truth.

Lily stared at him in silence. She was not able to say a word. He had never spoken a nice thing to her in his life and here he was pouring out his heart to her. But as she gazed upon his distressed face, she could see how pained he was seeing her like this. Everything he had said was the complete truth, she knew that just by gazing into his eyes.

"I –" Lily was stumped. She didn't have a sentence for this moment.

James looked at her, really looked at her. He could see her quaking under the pain her parents' death had caused. He could see the hate that had manifested so suddenly for the people who had caused her to feel such a way. He knew the exact thing to say, but he chose his words carefully and said the line several times in his mind just to perfect it. "I would do anything for you, Lily. But you just have to let me in. Let me help you. But I will not force you. I won't make you."

Lily felt her lips twitch at the sides as she heard the last of his words echo within her mind "_I won't make you_"

Before he could even prepare himself, Lily fell heavily into his chest. James's eyes almost popped out of his skull from the suddenness and unexpectedness of the gesture. But he soon relaxed, soon calmed his frantically beating heart and pulled himself together enough to wrap his arms around her small frame.

He brushed her soaking hair from her eyes and kissed her forehead affectionately.

She smiled into his chest, knowing that she should say something, anything. Thank him perhaps? No, he needs something more.

"I'll let you in, James" She whispered, unsure whether he had heard her or not " But please, don't ever let me go."

The arms tightened around her, bringing her a sense of warmth and safety. She knew he had heard her, and that he would never let her go.


End file.
